Learn.

        I've always had the stubborn inclination to be self taught in all the wrong things. Guitar, parenting, piano, how to "grieve properly"... I keep insisting on learning the hard way so I guess this is me taking notes. What hasn't killed me has shown me what life could become, and how it will empower me to save myself.

Step One, every day, is Learn.

verb: learn; learns; learned; learning

1.

gain or acquire knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught.

      The learning process is relatively simple. You + experience ÷ life = adaptation/knowledge. 

 Your perspective is never an isolated incidence, you had to learn everything, from acquiring your very basic needs to letting go of your ego. And every day you learn some of the same things over and over, i.e.: Parenting, the never ending test of all tests. Ideally all of life's lessons are mastered before you're given the opportunity to then teach them. Seeing as that's hugely impossible since becoming a parent IS the ultimate lesson, you have to rely on evolution.

Yeah, I said evolution. I believe everything changes, like on a molecular level, and you must be willing to happily adapt. (If you won't, congratulations, your stubborn depraved selfishness will serve you well and your children will be of little value to you. Sure, skip class, have fun trying to justify that to whoever created you and didn't toss your ungrateful ass aside. Necessary rant; over:) Adapt to a whole new reality; You were wrong about everything, you know nothing, and you must learn quickly. Because never has time been so real as when you pressed start on another soul's stopwatch.

Basically, change is vital in learning. This mental shift is (in my opinion) the most important because once you've made the choice to embrace it, it never stops, never rests. There's never an option to pass on parenting or put it on hold. It will test you in every way, until you wonder if you ever had limits. A harsh cynic is hatched in your head that says "You must be better, so she will be her best." "Hey remember how you did this last time? You can do better, right now" and "That isn't what she deserves. Change something. Work harder. Fix it." The paradox is, selflessness creates limitlessness, I think that's why we choose it.

Into the wee hours of the morning we count how many vegetables they ate that day, come up with ways to compensate for a missing father role, revise lessons on the crucial values of life, and dream about all of it going as planned. Then throughout the day, we come up with a thousand plan B's.

Every word, thought and action is under review and if you try to escape that fact you'll live with your now tripled conscience. Did I mention you can never go back to fix the effects? Nothing will push you harder than looking at the mother you were a few years ago thinking "I can't believe I thought that was good enough." You will know it has never been about You, and it never again will be. But in this work, you reap the most. The things that reinvent you but have nothing to do with you at all, always carry the greatest rewards.These are the things you need to experience. 

 Of course it doesn't end there; all that you think, seek and do build upon each other.
Children are the constant thought, the highest goal, the ultimate career. How will we ever get it?

You learned how to get the job you wanted by absorbing the requirements to get it, right? "Must have Doctorate degree in awesomeness? CHECK!" Then you magnified the qualities needed to get there in yourself; The shoe fits and you're wearing that bad boy to the interview. The pep talk in your head beforehand would go something like this: 

"Confidence. I have everything they need and more, I bring something to the table. Nothing to lose if I do my best. I exceed expectations, I am more than qualified, I am passionate. There's no reason I can't do this. Relax." 

Then suddenly you realize the things that your brain comes up with in challenging situations are the most honest things about you as a whole. And you believe it; Potential, realized. Suddenly, parenthood isn't so much a test or a spot you're auditioning for... the test was positive my friend, you landed that spot so abruptly it even surprised you. You probably just forgot what you were capable of.

  But these are the things you should know about yourself, not just when you want more than anything to succeed and become something worth the precious time you spent dreaming about it. Not just when you ache to give yourself to every cause that might, maybe, someday, save someone. Not just in those moments, not just in front of your child, but in every moment of every day when you realize the dream is now. It is alive and here, and here's the big picture... it is not yours. It isn't about how prepared you are to teach a five year old how to tie their shoes, you put yours on already remember? They will learn, and they'll follow you in them, so go somewhere good.

 Now, right NOW is the best thing you have. Courage, passion, love... You have everything you need, you bring more to the table than you may have been willing to consider possible before. You have nothing to lose and everything to give, you will exceed expectations, you will surprise people and see smiles across beautiful, grateful faces. You are over qualified for this life because you are not OF this life. Passion and a thirst for greatness fill you because God fills you with love that is too big for your body to hold. There is no reason you should hold back or be idle or settle for what doesn't meet you in the greatness you feel. There's no reason you can't do anything.

Now this doesn't mean you have to solve the problems of the world and save every soul you encounter, but you should try. This means you're lucky enough to think bigger than your basic needs, lucky enough to have desires; you're not just trying to survive, you're blessed enough to want to thrive. This means you need to teach yourself that what you're doing, NOW, is the most important thing you will ever do, it's all relevant, it all matters. Learn to recognize the things you are feeding into that feed ON you and 

your precious moments, and don't be victimized by them.

What is happening RIGHT NOW is the best life lesson you have to learn and teach others, and the opportunity to take it is constant. The smiles of gratitude that you notice, the happiness you see, the goodness you witness and the beauty in everyone and what they have to offer... if you're aware of it all, you've learned this lesson before. That takes humility and selflessness and an open heart. Be proud of that, you've earned it through trial. If you have to learn these things over and over, every day, your time will never be wasted and eventually you won't doubt yourself, you won't need a pep talk, you'll give yourself credit for learning and surviving the lesson.

These are the things I'm talking about... These fractions of a whole that compose our lives will, without a doubt, time and time again, save us. They are redemption. They are clarity, peace, the manifestation that all is connected and you are playing your part. One day you wake up and know that nothing about this life is yours. Your soul dances with excitement for the sunrise because there's a blonde little angel in the next room that makes a sleepy blue eyed giggle under her covers when you come in singing good morning. This. This is heaven.



 Here's a few things I picked up recently that I've learned [see above] over time (and am working on constantly) that lay the foundation to love. (Like I said before, this is just me taking notes, reminding myself, but hoping the insight gives back.) After this pattern becomes a habit, you can forget yourself and truly live in the NOW, beautifully. I've learned that most things work in cycles. If we can center our efforts on something unfailing, a control point, and consistently maintain it, everything else will fall into place around it. It really does start with you, loving yourself, and "Kaizen," a term that means "a little improvement, every day."

 1. When I'm PHYSICALLY fit, I have the energy to encourage, to try and try again and try something different for someone who doesn't have the tools to help themselves.

2. When I'm EMOTIONALLY stable, I have the personal confidence to push someone else to do their best, even when it's scary, I have the strength to keep doing hard things for the person.

3. When I'm SOCIALLY stable, I know I have a healthy support system I can depend on and can be intentional about how I interact with who I love unconditionally, always acting only to support and empower them, never asking for a return.

4. When I'm INTELLECTUALLY fit, I'm driven to learn all I can about what is going on for the person -  their health, how environments are affecting their mood / behavior, and can see solutions more effectively.

5. When I'm SPIRITUALLY stable, I see the person differently, I see myself differently. I'm aspiring to something higher - a higher purpose, a higher standard of living. The person has infinite worth, I have hope for them to have a healthy life, a great life.